Wherein We Went Crazy and Ended Up in Mexico for 5 Days, Part 2

(Have you ever had every intention of finishing Part 2 of a blog post, and then somehow 2 weeks go by and you still haven't gotten around to it? No? Funny how my resolution to write for 10 minutes each day has not translated into more frequent blog posts, or actually writing for 10 minutes a day for that matter. And I thought that was going to be one of my more realistic goals this year. Moving out of the country might prove to be easier, it turns out.)

So where were we? Oh, right, on a plane to Mexico. Would you like the detailed travelogue, or the witty, bullet-point synopsis version? Witty synopsis, really? You don't want to hear every minute detail of each meal we ate, a list of everything we took on the plane, pictures of our coordinated outfits, and lengthy, poetic descriptions of the Mexican scenery? Really? OK, have it your way. Synopsis it is.

• A funny thing about Mexico is that sometimes it isn't hot, or sunny.
  
• OK, only very occasionally is it not hot or sunny.
• I think every 120 or so years, is what someone told us.
  
• Also during the exact week that we took our trip there.
  
• I'd like to know what we did to offend the sun gods, and what child they want us to sacrifice in order to appease them.
  
• Lucky for us, 70 degrees and overcast is considered quite pleasant. (Take that sun gods.)
  
• For the Mexicans, however, it's considered an extreme winter weather event which necessitates winter parkas and thermal underwear.
  
• We didn't bring our jackets, or even long sleeved-shirts.
• We were expecting to be sitting by the pool, sipping exotic smoothies.
  
• Instead we were sitting by the fire pit at the hotel, drinking hot cocoa.
  
• Did I mention the hotel? Oh my.
  
• Wait, did I say hotel? I meant luxury hacienda.
  
• When I say it was FANTASTIC, that means that we could never have afforded to stay there had we not used my parent's time share points.
  
• Which is also why Mark was called Mr. Stovall all week.
  
• Though if it weren't for Mark's Spanish skills combined with some serious luck, we might still be trying to find that hacienda today.
  
• That is to say, we got ridiculously lost.
  
• I mean the middle of the night, remote Mexican jungle, no cell phone coverage, bad directions, wrong address, vague maps, crazy roads, seriously had to pee, cranky and tired, arguing married couple kind of lost.
• I would say Getting and Being Lost was the theme of the trip.
  
• Which might have had something to do with a street grid system that looked like someone tangled all the streets up in knots and threw them back on the ground.
• And because of a street numbering system that makes sense only if you have a PhD in completely random street numbering systems.
• And it didn't help that the rules of the road seemed to be only that there were no rules.
• Also because we never thought to buy a decent map.
• Another theme of the trip was having meltdowns to rival anything you've seen on The Amazing Race.
• OK, I had one crazy, hysterical, sleep-deprivation induced meltdown.
• I learned it from watching my kids.
• Yes, we were lost.
• But you know what they say, whatever the hysterical American tourist does in the middle of the street in Mexico, stays in Mexico.
• Or on Mexican YouTube.
• I can't remember what the people across the street who were holding a video camera and laughing their heads off said.
• But in the middle of all that getting lost, trying not to die in our tiny rental car, screaming at my husband in the middle of the street, and constantly making fools of ourselves at the fanciest hacienda we've ever stayed at, we also became completely enamored with the Yucatecan culture and way of life.
• Do you know how many unbelievably nice people helped us when we were lost?
• No less than 50.
• Do you love fresh Mexican food?
• You should try it with a Mayan flair.
• You've seen all those pictures of ancient Mayan ruins in National Geographic?
• They are even more amazing in person.
• You know that bright purple house three doors down from you that makes you want to gag?
• In Mexico, that exact same shade is "vibrant" and "cheerful."
• And wouldn't you love to live in a place where hammocks are considered a piece of furniture and a must-have in every room of your house?
• We would.
• Really.
• I can see how the adjustment could be hard; it seems impossible to get there; it's not a perfect place.
• But ever since we got home, all we can think about is how we can't wait to get back.
• One more funny thing about Mexico, is that it makes you wish you were a semi-professional photographer.
• When in actuality you have no photography skills whatsoever, and have to hide that by making all your pictures as tiny as possible and arranging them in a collage, so as to hide your lack of talent.
• Ta-da!