Nov 27, 2009
Sam, on the other hand, just whispered in my ear: "I just pooped out all the food that my body didn't need."
He was very proud, but in more of an excited-to-have-a-great-secret kind of way. Some secrets just have to be shared though, so consider this a virtual whisper in your ear.
Nov 11, 2009
Hey Kids, do you want to watch a video or something?
Yeah! We want to watch Baby Einstein!
Baby Einstein? Really? You know it's for babies, right? And it's just a bunch of video taped toys and stuffed animals set to classical music?
Baby Einstein! Baby Einstein!
Now that we know the truth about Baby Einsten, it left me thinking: in essence, my kids were getting stupider just so I could fill their bellies. (Wait, is it stupider or more stupid? I should know, I was raised on Sesame Street*, they didn't even have Baby Einstein when I was a kid.)
So for some reason I just thought the blogging world would want to know that in the battle between intellectual and physical nourishment today, my kids' IQ's took a big hit. And since their chances of getting into Harvard are now pretty much shot, I went ahead and bought them the junky high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden, flourescent-tinted yogurt they wanted so bad today. Oh crap-- there goes the whole physical nourishment part.
Well, what can I say, it's a slippery slope. I think tomorrow we'll watch Soap Operas and eat pop tarts all day.
Made any tough choices lately?
*Happy 40th Sesame Street! Check out this great post on my friend Aimee's blog.
Nov 6, 2009
But I digress...
In the picture above, we are about to go trick or treating at a local assisted living center. Don't we look so happy? Well, somewhere in that old folks home, we not only collected a year's supply of butterscotch, peppermint, and cinnamon candies, but also something that looked and smelled suspiciously like diarrhea on Sam's pumpkin. We were too busy gagging and saying bad words to take pictures of how happy we were about that. Needless to say, that effectively began and ended our tradition of trick or treating with the old folks.
Oct 17, 2009
In fact, I'm pretty sure it's one of the Official Blogging Rules. Yep, #47. No Summer recaps after October 1st, sandwiched between #46. The words forever and busy must always be in all-caps (as in: "Sorry I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I've been so BUSY!") and # 48. Never let your blog wear white after Labor Day.
It shouldn't have to be said, but these rules are very important. Not only are they for your blog's own protection, but they also ensure correct emphasis so there will be no question as to just how BUSY you are. So, I guess that means no Summer recap. Besides, it's been FOREVER and I barely even remember what we did this Summer because I've been way too BUSY to post about it. (See what I'm talking about?)
On the other hand, (as the saying goes) rules were made for the purpose of finding loopholes so we can do whatever we want to do without technically doing anything wrong (trust me, I'm Mormon, I know all about this kind of thing, as do politicians). So, in the great tradition of loophole finding, I suppose I could just list the possible titles of things I would have blogged about had I not been on a break this Summer, and also had I not been so busy, I mean BUSY! That way, it's not technically a recap, but you don't have to miss out on even a moment of our incredible Summer fun fest. (And if that's too confusing or seems too compromising to you, you probably would not do well in politics.)
So here is the list of Bardsleyland Would-Have-Been Summer Blog Post Titles:
- Summer Vacation: 44 Days, About 88 Tantrums.
- Never Judge a Family Camping Trip by the First 4 Hours
- Faux Pas at the Neighborhood Block Party
- Our Family Garage Sale: Somebody Please Buy This Crap
- My Little Sister Visits, and it's All Fun and Games Until Sam Refuses to Eat in the Same Room as Her
- Is it the Hottest Day Ever, or Do I Just Have a Fever? Oh Wait, it's Both
- When Your Nieces Come to Visit for a Week, it's Best to Not be Boring
- Bardsley Family Reunion 2009, Rapid City, South Dakota: What's Eaten at the Family Reunion Stays on My Hips and Thighs Forever
- Vacationing with the Obamas: Our Trip to Yellowstone 2009
- "Old Faithful is Boring" and other memorable observations by Mia
- Reasons Why One Should Never drive for 12+ Hours in One Day with 3 Kids Under 6. EVER. (Let Alone Three Times in One Vacation)
- Miracles Do Happen: Sam Lives to See His 4th Birthday
Oct 6, 2009
When I tell people that Nate is 16 months old, I often have people actually tell me that it is their favorite age. I usually politely smile and respond with some sort of vague pleasantry, but inwardly I'm thinking WHAT THE EFFING CRAP?! Either people routinely will tell you whatever age your child is is their favorite just to be nice, or most everyone has pushed their memories of their own children as toddlers deep, deep down to some scary dark place that is completely unreachable except through electroshock therapy.
All I know is that I increasingly find myself looking at my budding toddler and wistfully recalling the good old days of babyhood. Remember when you would sleep for hours every day Nate? Remember when you couldn't walk or even crawl, and instead happily sat playing with an actual baby toy for 45 minutes at a time? Remember how it was before you developed gross motor skills? It was awesome.
This however, is not awesome.
Tearing toilet paper into little tiny pieces does not make for a happy mom.
Do you know what is even less awesome? Doing this just a few hours later:
Yes, that's toilet water all over the floor (and down the hall). I swear I had closed the bathroom door earlier this morning. Sam must have used the potty before school, which would mean, you guessed it, that's pee water. So. Flipping. Awesome.
And who was the kid who threw a hysterical tantrum at Albertsons later this afternoon because I wouldn't buy him a stuffed animal?
And who thinks it's a challenge to try to get out of his high chair now at each meal?
And who screams and arches his back every time he gets puts in his car seat?
And who walked over and hit Sam on the top of his head with a heavy plastic toy today?
(OK, actually that was pretty funny. )
And who is my only child sleeping through the night in his own bed still?
For that reason alone, I love you. Just stay out of the toilet.
Sep 17, 2009
Today I felt like being one of those better moms, As opposed to yesterday when I probably would have kept the mixer on.
It's a good thing that you don't usually feel like making cookies on the bad days.
Here's to licking the beaters.
Sep 16, 2009
We camped at the Olympic National Park at the start of summer. It was amazing. We had fun. Below are pictures that prove it.
Our campsite was nice. The kids enjoyed playing on/in all the old growth trees.
Our rock stacking put us in contemplative moods.
Why yes, that is the biggest, gnarliest, tree root thing you will ever see. I am fairly certain this thing comes alive at night and eats other trees.
Picture Taking 101 - Rule 1: Make sure nothing in the background appears to be sticking out of the main subject's head.
Yes actually, people do kind of ruin this photo.
We drove through Forks on the way home. Donna got a kick out of all the Twilight tourists. We stopped and ate some very, very bad Mexican food. The bad Mexican food alone will be enough to re-wipe Forks off the map...until someone writes another book about the place.
Sep 11, 2009
In case you were wondering, I spent my Summer taking really artsy pictures at weird angles of all the AMAZING things we did all Summer long. And when I wasn't being an INCREDIBLE semi-professional photographer, I was super BUSY creating PRECIOUS memories for my kids with all of the crafts/outings/singing/family-togetherness that we did. And when I wasn't building and/or documenting our UNBELIEVABLE Summer of Fun, I was probably just relaxing, or yelling at my kids/wading through endless messes/reading blogs/packing/cleaning/shopping/unpacking/repacking/yelling some more/ and probably crying. But until I get around to posting the thousands of pictures and memories, I've posted a little something for your reading pleasure. You know, in case you'd been missing your sporadic doses of cynicism. (That's for you Katy).
I just wasted away a few minutes of my life taping up a paper lamp from Ikea. I know, that's what I get for thinking that a lamp made out of paper for $2.49 from Ikea was a good idea and/or in good taste right? But really, it fared quite well for a long time.
Until Sam came along. Lamp, meet Sam. Sam, meet lamp. Lamp, so sorry about that big gash. Sam, go to your room. Self, get out the tape.
So I taped up the lamp and put it back on the side table, next to the frame that no longer stands up by itself, thanks to Sam.
Just before fixing the lamp, I picked up Sam's toy rocket that we've had for one week and is already broken in two places.
I put the rocket on the counter next to the pile of Tupperware lids that don't have matching containers anymore, because they are probably out in the yard being used as snail houses.
Before that I was wiping off our table that now has nail polish, permanent marker, paint, and (Sam's) bite marks on it.
On the table was an assortment of broken crayons and dried out markers with no caps that I stashed away in a cupboard with a door that won't close because somebody (guess who?) was swinging on it.
I won't even tell you about the state of the games, toys, and miscellaneous items inside of said cupboard. Well, OK, I will: 2 board games missing pieces that render them pretty much useless, a ripped parachute, about 8 containers of dried out, mixed up play dough, and a stained Aqua doodle. And that's just off the top of my head.
In the same room as the cupboard is the TV/DVD player that we will someday have to remove from the Armoire with a chain saw (our fault), which we have to use the plug to turn off and on, and no longer plays DVDs (both of which are Sam's fault). Not that we have any DVDs that Sam hasn't scratched or bitten or drawn on anyway.
The tale of destruction continues throughout the house.
And our piano that Sam broke over a year ago? Broken even a little bit more now.
This is the most recent pile of casualties from his room: 5 books ripped apart.
And here's something fun: a box of baby wipes that he got to with a pair of scissors, AND ONLY STABBED THE PICTURE OF THE BABY, REPEATEDLY. (What he was doing unsupervised with a pair of sharp scissors is a very good question and is currently under investigation. I'm sure there is some body/thing to blame besides me. Probably corporate media, but that's a blog post for another day.)
I'll stop there, but trust me, I could go on. And on.
Some people can show you their collection of highly prized curios, or rare objects from their travels around the world. If you come over to our house we'll show you our taped up Ikea lamp and our mutilated baby box. It's an art form in and of itself.
Jul 11, 2009
Jun 18, 2009
Did you love The Monster at the End of this Book when you were little too? Lovable, fury, old Grover could only imagine the horrors waiting for him at the end of the book and did everything in his power to keep from getting there.
Well, every time I think about The Last Day of School (consequently followed by the First Day of Summer), I end up in tears. There's very little I wouldn't do right now to keep Friday morning from ever happening.
Never mind that in the book, the moral is that Grover had nothing to be afraid of but himself. This isn't Sesame Street. These are my kids we're talking about. At home with me for the rest of the summer.
All day. Every day.
For 75 days.
Oh have mercy.
*Oh, and my apologies for the graphic description of Sam and a towel in my last post. With a recently potty-trained 3 year old boy, we're being exposed to a whole new world as parents. Seriously, who needs a dog? If you came over, he'd probably hump your leg.
**OK, I'm probably going to have to delete that before he gets old enough to read it huh?
May 27, 2009
Mia is holed up in a corner of the hotel room, snarling like a wild animal at anyone who comes near her, talks to her, looks at her, or even thinks about coming near her, talking to her, or looking her.
Sam is on the other side of the room humping a towel.
Nate is a human barnacle.
May 23, 2009
Anyway, what a difference a year makes. I swear he isn't really any longer, just wider.
In other news, we had a death in the family this week. Mia's captured pet caterpillar, Mr. Fuzzy, sadly didn't make it through 3 days of being left alone in a cage with some dried leaves and a rock. Looks like it will be a while until we're ready for a puppy.
There you go, all caught up and more.
Hope you have a great weekend Memorializing.
May 4, 2009
- I've been having recurring dreams about being on the The Amazing Race.
- I've been getting a kick out of Sam saying "what the heck?"
- I've been thinking about my side bar.
- I would love to know if you read my blog.
- I find crafting so compelling and so problematic.
- I've been compiling a list of all my past and current running partners (Carol, Michelle, Cary, Heather, Kris, Amy, Jen, Courtney, Patti, Ruth Ann, Julia, Brooke, Jeni, Lisa, Karla, Sara, Diana, Michal, Marie M, Marie B, and Kathy-- did I forget anyone?) All of you are superwomen in my book.
- I Vote or Die.
- I haven't watched Wife Swap at all.
- I've been reading a book called Living Simply with Children, and boy is it making me laugh, though I don't think it was meant to be funny.
- I've mistaken myself for a master gardener, which is why I haven't gotten around to posting these pictures from April:
And here are the seed packets that I was going to plant in said garden, that is until Sam spread them all around the backyard flower beds. 1500 carrot seeds, 100 cucumbers, 225 peas, and I don't know how many watermelons and beans. Thanks Sam! That was sooooo helpful.
May 3, 2009
The first slide show is just for fun. In the second video you will see why I married this man: for his crazy trampoline skills.
Reporter: Sam, you just walked around the playground for 15 minutes! How did you find the strength to get to the finish line?
Sam: More juice, please.
Reporter: Sam, will you be competing in the National Preschool Championships?
Sam: I haffa go potty.
Reporter: Mia, you've obviously been Sam's biggest supporter. What's it been like for you?
Mia: Awwww, these medals aren't even real gold!
Reporter: Sam's Mom, tell us about when you knew your son was destined for walk-a-thon greatness?
Sam's Mom: Well, he started walking when he was about 13 months old, and it was obvious right away. He's pretty much been walking ever since.
*Sam would like to thank all the big people, the color red, and goldfish crackers.
It was a little rough.
The crying thing is interesting because I never once broke down while Mark was unemployed. Well, at least not about the unemployment. (I probably teared up over touching cell phone commercials and that ugly lady on Britain's Got Talent-- I don't really remember.) But leave me alone with my kids for days on end and I end up blubbering at the park while all the other parents pretend not to notice the hysterical mom on the bench. OK, it wasn't really that bad, but I know I made at least one park dad pretty uncomfortable.
What is it about staying home with kids that is so hard sometimes? Kids can be so sweet, and bubbly, and wonderfully innocent, with their big Bambi eyes and pudgy toes, and their cute little noses that haven't morphed into some unflattering shape yet. But they also never. let. up. They whine (oh, can they whine), and fight. They pee on the floor, and demand to be held at just the wrong times, and need and need and need and need, and when you have nothing left to give they need some more. And it just can bring out the worst in you.
That's when you have a good cry in public and break out the frosting. (Betty Crocker, you are such sweet, sweet therapy.) And you make it through another little rough patch.
So we've got the first week behind us: a little breaking-in period, a readjustment, a few extra pounds gained. Next week will be better. Or not, but tomorrow is another day, some famous fake person once said. Parenting can be hard, so hard sometimes. But millions of much less emotionally stable people have done it and survived right?
And just so I don't get accused of glass-half-empty kind of stuff-- on the bright side, none of us died from Swine flu this week.
So that's a plus.
Mostly a plus, I think.
Apr 25, 2009
We (meaning Mark) have a honest-to-goodness, actual-pay-check-earning, 40 hours a week (hopefully not more), slaving away at a desk under florescent lighting, in a cubicle with no windows, JOB. (Wait, we're supposed to be excited about this right?). No we are, we're thrilled. Ecstatic. I mean, forced family togetherness all day, every day, was super fun because we all totally love each other and, being the big happy family that we are, we just love being together ALL THE TIME and just can't stop singing and holding hands in a circle while roller skating like the creepy intro to Big Love, but without all the extra wives. Really, that's been great. But I for one can't wait for next week when Mark is gone and I can go back to sticking the kids in front of the TV all day so I can play Sudoku online. And I think that Mark will tell you that living off the government is fun and all, but eventually you just feel this need to go out into wild corporate America and sell your soul to the Man, whoever he is.
Here are the details:
It's a Canadian company. Based in Vancouver (BC, not Washington). Owned by an American company. Opening an office in Seattle. Doing some big projects for Starbucks. Confused? Me too, but go think about it over a frappuccino at Starbucks. Seriously. Let's keep us employed now right?
So what did I do to celebrate? What every other suburban, middle class, Caucasian, 30- something, Mormon housewife would do, of course. I went to Target!
Yeah for jobs!
ps- In all seriousness, thanks for every one's love, prayers, and support. We're hoping that is one life phase that we only have to go through once. :)
This is truly embarrassing how long it's taken me to post about this. A while back (it seems like months ago) I entered my sister-in-law's craft give away on her blog, and a short time later I got the world's most adorable frame in the mail. I can't even tell you how much I love it! It's decoupage, can you believe it? When we were in Hawaii a few years ago, I went in some upscale knick knack store that was full of all kinds of over priced things including some frames almost exactly like this. I remember staring at those frames for what seemed like hours trying to justify paying $70 (yes $70) for one single frame that I loved so much it seemed to whisper to me, "I complete you." I was almost intoxicated enough by that wonderfully warm Hawaiian beach air to actually buy it.
But I didn't.
And now I have this beautiful homemade frame. Makes you want to give decoupage another try huh?
For those of you who don't know my sister-in-law Dakin, she is one of those people who does everything perfectly and better than anyone else, yet strangely, you don't hate her because she is also so stinking nice! Thanks Dakin, you are amazing!
Apr 13, 2009
In the middle of church today, right during a really quiet part, Sam made sure to let everyone know that he needed to go poop. He then got a lot of mileage out of another more descriptive potty word, one that is very similar to the word diorama. For some reason he felt compelled to say it over and over and over again. I'm sure it gave everyone warm and pleasant Easter thoughts. Though I'm not sure if this is a step up or down from a few weeks ago when announced very loudly, "Awwww, I don't like church!" Whatever the case, this kid doesn't keep his feelings locked up inside.
Thanks for sharing Sam. Inquiring minds wanted to know.
Apr 4, 2009
- Reading material! Applying for unemployment benefits results in piles and piles of riveting paperwork from the government. The "Unemployment Claims Kit" is only 47 pages long and is a must-read!
- Continually singing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" in your head all day.
- When your kids complain that you've turned the heat down, you get to say things like When I was your age they hadn't even invented heat yet, now go put on a sweater! (which is entirely untrue, but haven't you always wanted to say that?).
- Youtube! (This being one of our latest favorites)
Oh, and current freak-out level: still about a 3... maybe 3.5.
Apr 3, 2009
Yesterday I volunteered in Mia's kindergarten class. It was jump rope day. This simple exercise immediately presented a small crisis:
Why is it that I can run three miles with no problem, but jumping rope for 2 minutes results in the proverbial opening of the floodgates.
There should be a warning label on all jump ropes: "Attention all mothers: if you have had 2 or more children, DO NOT attempt to jump rope in public, or while wearing light-colored pants." This should be a law. I think I'll write my congresswomen right now. I hear they don't have much else to do.