Adventures in Unemployment

Besides handling a mean iron, this job contender also looks hot in floral aprons.

Uh, yeah, no job yet. This is probably not very surprising considering that there are approximately half a million people out there applying for the same three jobs, namely anything that is full-time and does not involve doing this. I haven't posted much about the job search for a number of very important reasons. #1 being that it's one of my strengths to completely ignore reality and instead make repeated trips to Costco to buy chocolate, and #2 being, well, eating that much chocolate keeps you busy obviously. Also, the cheerful, hopeful part of me doesn't want to appear too negative (because if there is one thing I've learned from blogs it's that if you even kind of hint that your life isn't completely one big profound festival of joy and love, you get comments from that rascally Anonymous reminding you that "people are starving in Canada," and "WWSNB?" (What Would Stephanie Nielson Blog?)), while the realistic part of me is a little worried that 6 months from now it's going to be a little old when I'm posting "yeah, still no job yet." Just trying to keep it fresh you know?

So it's only been 3 weeks, and besides the obvious perks of aggravated insomnia, and the stigma of being referred to as "that bum with no job" (I keep telling Mia to stop calling Mark that), we've come to experience many other joys of unemployment, such as:

• Reading material! Applying for unemployment benefits results in piles and piles of riveting paperwork from the government. The "Unemployment Claims Kit" is only 47 pages long and is a must-read!
• Continually singing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" in your head all day.
• When your kids complain that you've turned the heat down, you get to say things like When I was your age they hadn't even invented heat yet, now go put on a sweater! (which is entirely untrue, but haven't you always wanted to say that?).
• Youtube! (This being one of our latest favorites)

Over all the biggest perk is having Mark home during the day. We've gotten so used to this, in fact, that yesterday he left for a measly 4 hours and came home to find all of us curled up on the floor in fetal positions, whimpering and incoherent. (A note to anyone who lives within a 5 block radius of us: if you happened to hear what sounded like an adult woman throwing a hysterical tantrum around 6:34 PM yesterday, I'm sure it was just someone's TV). (Note to self: we need more chocolate).

Oh, and current freak-out level: still about a 3... maybe 3.5.