The House That Sam Broke

I just wasted away a few minutes of my life taping up a paper lamp from Ikea. I know, that's what I get for thinking that a lamp made out of paper for $2.49 from Ikea was a good idea and/or in good taste right? But really, it fared quite well for a long time.

Until Sam came along. Lamp, meet Sam. Sam, meet lamp. Lamp, so sorry about that big gash. Sam, go to your room. Self, get out the tape.

So I taped up the lamp and put it back on the side table, next to the frame that no longer stands up by itself, thanks to Sam.

Just before fixing the lamp, I picked up Sam's toy rocket that we've had for one week and is already broken in two places.

I put the rocket on the counter next to the pile of Tupperware lids that don't have matching containers anymore, because they are probably out in the yard being used as snail houses.

Before that I was wiping off our table that now has nail polish, permanent marker, paint, and (Sam's) bite marks on it.

On the table was an assortment of broken crayons and dried out markers with no caps that I stashed away in a cupboard with a door that won't close because somebody (guess who?) was swinging on it.

I won't even tell you about the state of the games, toys, and miscellaneous items inside of said cupboard. Well, OK, I will: 2 board games missing pieces that render them pretty much useless, a ripped parachute, about 8 containers of dried out, mixed up play dough, and a stained Aqua doodle. And that's just off the top of my head.

In the same room as the cupboard is the TV/DVD player that we will someday have to remove from the Armoire with a chain saw (our fault), which we have to use the plug to turn off and on, and no longer plays DVDs (both of which are Sam's fault). Not that we have any DVDs that Sam hasn't scratched or bitten or drawn on anyway.

The tale of destruction continues throughout the house.

Here's the moulding that he took a bite of a few days ago.

And our piano that Sam broke over a year ago? Broken even a little bit more now.

This is the most recent pile of casualties from his room: 5 books ripped apart.


And here's something fun: a box of baby wipes that he got to with a pair of scissors, AND ONLY STABBED THE PICTURE OF THE BABY, REPEATEDLY. (What he was doing unsupervised with a pair of sharp scissors is a very good question and is currently under investigation. I'm sure there is some body/thing to blame besides me. Probably corporate media, but that's a blog post for another day.)

Disturbing? YES.


I'll stop there, but trust me, I could go on. And on.

Some people can show you their collection of highly prized curios, or rare objects from their travels around the world. If you come over to our house we'll show you our taped up Ikea lamp and our mutilated baby box. It's an art form in and of itself.