Reject #2

Title: It's Time We Had a Little Talk

Date: Sept. 25th, 2009

(sigh)

I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this. This is a tad awkward, but it's got to be said. Enough with ridiculous political forwarded emails. It's called Snopes.com people. Use it. It's not that hard. Don't like Snopes? How about TruthOrFiction.com, or BreakTheChain.org, or FactCheck.org. There are people who get paid to keep you from looking like an idiot. It's a wonderful advantage of living in the Information Age really. So, please, no more emails about toilet spiders. That photo of Obama saluting the flag with his left hand? PHOTOSHOP. And do I even have to say it? He's not a muslim. Please. And no, Diamond Rio's Jesus Loves America song was not blacklisted because of it's political incorrectness. It's common knowledge that political incorrectness has never kept a country song from being produced, and they are unfortunately played on public radio all the time. Did you ever think that maybe that song never became popular because it isn't very good? I mean did you listen to it? And seriously, Diamond Rio? Did you just waste my time with an email about Diamond Rio? Oh, no you didn't.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you send me anything without verifying the facts first, so help me I will make a voodoo doll with your name on it and stab your eye repeatedly and then run you over with my van.

Are you still not sure? Let me help you out.

Are you a wacky republican? Stop sending me stuff.

Do you think that sending one email to your entire address book is in good judgement? Take me off your list.

It says it's been verified on Snopes.com? It hasn't.

Do it yourself, or do us all a favor and DELETE it.

And for the love, use bcc people!

And just to clarify: funny emails are always welcome. Make me laugh, not want to kill you. And to further clarify, pictures of cats dressed in human clothes and reading the newspaper while smoking cigars fall in the latter category.

So we're good right? Wonderful. Hopefully we'll never have to have this talk again.

Now, be sure to read this over and over, because Bill Gates himself is tracking your every move on the Internet, and will personally pay you $500 every time you read this post. (It's true, he can totally do that.) Also, if you don't' forward this link to everyone you know before you are done reading this post, then Jesus will know that you don't really love him and Glen Beck will cry because you hate America. And you will become impregnated with Satan's spawn, and everyone you know will die. Oops, too late.

Notes: OK, then. This was a bit snarky, even for me. I used to get bombarded with emails from some sweet lady at church, bless her email-forwarding heart. And the last straw was some ridiculous email about that Diamond Rio song. It's not even worth going into, and I don't know why it enraged me so much. But this post was born as a result. The reasons I never posted it should be fairly obvious. I know far too many republicans, and only a few of them are really wacky, but I figured it would offend them all. So don't hate me OK whackjobs? :) For the record, I know a few wacky liberals too, just none of them forward me emails. But my biggest fear in posting this was that everyone would purposefully start forwarding me the most inflammatory emails they could find, just to be funny. Why did I even mention that? Please don't. But do tell me about the worst forwarded email you've ever received, even from me, because I'm sure even I sent them way back in the day. I think the toilet spider one was the first one I ever got, over 10 years ago. That's why I like that reference. I also like the Glen Beck comment, but other than that, meh-- It never really came together how I wanted it to. I probably shouldn't post it, but here I go: my ode to unsubstantiated email forwarders.