Jan 16, 2012

This Week in Super Gross

 This post brought to you by The Garbage Pail Kids

At 3:30, I finally drifted off to sleep. So yeah, insomnia and I are still pretty tight, (but I swear I'm this close to unfriending him on Facebook*).

At 6:30, Sam was screaming in the bathroom. Think of that music from the movie Psycho, but coming out of a 6 year old boy's mouth.

At 6:30.02, I was running to the bathroom door to fling it open, while my mind was speeding through the worst case scenarios:

There was someone in the bathroom with him. An ax murderer presumably.

He had somehow managed to summon Bloody Mary in the mirror, unlike all 10 year olds at every slumber party ever, no matter what they say.

Someone had squeezed the Charmin.

As it turned out, Sam had shut himself in the bathroom with a tiny mouse. The kid was traumatized, all whimpering and trembly. So of course  I said the most comforting words I could think of:

"Sam, did it come out of the toilet?"

You know, because of that one time I read about a rat coming up through someones toilet, and it was seared in the part of my brain dedicated to recalling horrifying possibilities at the exact wrong moment.

Thankfully, it wasn't a toilet mouse, but I certainly hadn't eased Sam's fears any, and by 6:35, the whole family was in our bed, wide awake. I don't know what happened to the mouse.

At 7:30, everyone was up again for school. Yay.

By 9:30, Nate and I had a falling out over some cereal, and we reconciled by crawling back into bed for a nap.

At 9:32, Nate breathed in my face, and I almost died. Ever since he was sick a few weeks ago, his breath has been toxic. It smells like a dog threw up, ate its own vomit, and then crawled into his mouth and died, right after ripping a big dog fart.

If only I could bottle some of that, I'm pretty sure I could kill that mouse.

Done anything gross lately?

*I don't know why Insomnia is a male, he just is.


Aimee said...

Whilst driving to the airport Cash threw up all over himself and my hands as I thought catching it would prevent it from coming out?? We were thankful to check the carseat so we didn't have to smell it. Sorry bag checkers!

Then a few days later. He missed getting any throw up on the floor because it went all over my pregnant body. Not awesome. I was traumatized and every time I held him days after I would think he was going to puke again. PTSD. No big thing.

Being a mom is generally pretty gross I am finding.

Angela said...

I would probably feel a bit traumitized too. I had issues with rats in the attic and they never even came into the living areas of the house.

P.S. Matthew used to have extremely bad breath, but it went away when he had his adenoids removed. Evidently, ear infections and the ensuing gross stuff in the adenoids will cause bad breath.

Good luck with the mouse!

Sara said...

I'm finally sitting at my computer so I decided to leave you a comment!

EWWW... I'm pretty sure thanks to this post, I had a dream last night that we had a mouse in our house and were trying to catch it. We caught it in a cup and then put it in a shoe box and drove it to a field where we set it free. So there's your solution. You're welcome. :)

Gross... hmmm? Sadie drooling in your mouth, that's happened to me and my brother recently; all I can say is don't open your mouth when you put your kids on your feet above you to fly like an airplane. And like Aimee's story, I too have been puked on by all 3 of my kids at different times in life. One of the more memorable was in an airplane mid-flight, so I had to sit and enjoy the smell and feel for the rest of the flight. MMMM>>>

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Neva said...

Love the Garbage Pail Kid. My mother thought they were disgusting and wouldn't allow me to have them ... But I traded some stickers to the neighbor girl who had them and got a contraband stack. Oh, the '80s ... How I miss them.

Bardsleyland said...

As I recall Neva, your Garbage Pail Kid collection was pretty enviable.

Anonymous said...

very funny.lol